H. Mathew moving north

The night remained quiet, too quiet. Doesn't feel right that with a dangerous life threatening storm starting to cover Haiti that the weather is so calm here before the storm. Most Haitians acting normal yesterday only adds to the unreal feeling.

After a restless night of alternating prayers with troubled sleep, the normally pleasant sound of rain pattering on our tin roof started at 4:30 a.m.  Today that sound stirs up my emotions and memories.

Our first hurricane in Haiti occurred a couple weeks after we moved to LaGonave in Sept. 1998. The worst part of Hurricane Georges for me came when we, along with many Haitians of our town. went to see the new ravine path cut by the flood waters. We did not stay long as watching hundreds of people standing on a freshly eroded bank, with houses partially destroyed, while the muddy waters continued to eat at the dirt beneath their feet horrified me.

I think the greatest stresses to missionaries and family right now are that people didn't listen to the warnings. Talking to people who seemingly don't understand the great danger of the situation is hard. Fatalistic people who live from day to day doing what they can and often adding to any plans 'Lord willing', who feel they don't have choices frustrate expatriats who plan ahead. We were raised knowing the Lord is all powerful and can save people...but we also were raised with the idea that we need to do our part. Stress for not being able to do more.

Second...the rain on the roof is making me feel guilty for having a strong tin roof.

Guilt: for having a strong house;  internet to know the danger and stay in touch with family and friends; for having food in a dry house and safe drinking water; for having our family be safe; for electricity; guilt for being born into a privileged life; guilt for not doing more to spread the word about the storm...and about the Lord's saving love with those who could die......

A long day and days lay ahead for Haiti's people. Thank you for all the prayers. The Lord will work through this in many lives...all who experience it will be changed in one way or another. Having been through many crises in the past I know His love remains steadfast- He will hold us through the pain, the anger [some at Him for not changing things], the guilt, as well as through the joy and peace found in strange places.