Friday, April 18, 2014

Easter reflections and my attitude for boards.

When we discussed when to travel for my board exam we did note the proximity to Easter but I did not realize how it would help me mentally.

I thank everyone for your prayers for peace. Over the last couple of months and weeks I once again find myself resting in peaceful faith, knowing that my all powerful Lord and Savior who loves me and wants the best for me remains in control and will make everything work out for my good.

AT the same time I'm attacked sometimes within minutes of those peaceful thoughts with those of inadequacy, of memories of past failures, of the time/money/effort and effects on my family should a retake be needed in November.

Lots or praise music, prayers, reading scripture and repeating these actions over and over as needed to return to the restful spot multiple times a day…

Eli, Anna and I are memorizing 1 Cor. 13 during school. Not my first time to learn or reflect on 'the love chapter'. My clinic room wall used to hold a small sign of part of this chapter to remind me that without love none of what I did mattered.

Currently on the wall reminding us about our attitudes during school a paper proclaims.. Colossians 3:17, 23. 'Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him….And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men."

As I reflect on the Lord and His life and on Mary's life and what she went through as the mother of Christ this Easter season it occurred to me [again] I cannot do anything on my own..not that will count forever.

I'm thankful for His grace and mercy because I'm all too aware of how many 'good deeds' in my life were done out of obligation, of duty, or due to outside pressures not inward love.

All that 'good' work done in the wrong attitudes for the wrong reasons = nothing.

So with my heavenly Father, I can sit for close to 7 hours on Wednesday taking a test for Him. With the Lord's help I can do so in an attitude of love.

 [I do think about how He knows all the answers even to the poorly worded questions. While I cannot take in a watch, pencil, tissue, chap-stick or anything else that could possibly be used for cheating they cannot prevent the Lord from accompanying me!! I may not know all the ins and outs of complicated American medicine but HE does! And He's on my team.]

Now I'm thinking how I take the test, my attitude will be the real miracle, not if I pass this time or not.

Thank you each of you who will continue to pray. We will have close to a 9 hour drive on Monday. Wednesday I need to be at the testing site before 8:30 a.m. for close to 7 hours of actual testing time [5 sections]

Yes, I want to pass next week, but what ever the outcome I will praise Him.

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