Earthquake Reflections-Where to go??

Monday morning, January 18th, almost a week since the earthquake-waiting at Pastor Carl's. Waiting = not good. Didn't need time to think. Didn't want time to slow down and think. Packed my things up in case we'd be moving. Wait.

Finally, we decided to start hand washing the towels to past the time. Action packers, buckets of water, a bit of soap, dirty linens from the many guests-and shortly after we started our ride came.

Piled into the truck and away we go. Much better to be moving that sitting waiting. Gives one the impression of doing something even if not really helping at that moment. Imagine my surprise when we ended up passing the Diquini hospital gate! Now the front entrance I entered with great reluctance only 2 days before was blocked by a number of large trucks full of foreign volunteers.

Today I doubt if many would notice me if I ventured onto the hospital grounds. After 11 years of living in Haiti you get accustomed to your pale skin drawing instant attention. Not only that, but you also look more closely at other people with pale skin to see if you know them. It is another facet of how life is off kilter-so many foreigners are in Port that it is possible not to draw much attention to one's self. Especially as we're not in full military uniform and gear driving around in large trucks.

Close to the hospital we pull into a yard with a large warehouse. The medical folks who had arrived that morning from Michigan on a Amway Jet where waiting for us. After greeting old friends and meeting new ones-I was asked where we were going?? Me?

I had been under the mistaken impression that I got to tag along on this highly organized, skilled team who had come with supplies, staff, and a field hospital. I considered myself a bit of a stowaway, but one with both medical, language and cultural skills needed in this crises situation. No one asked me to come. No one warned me that I would be looked upon as a leader with inside information. I'm sure my eye's reflected the shock that I experienced as the question sunk in-they waited expectantly for my answer. My mind kicked into high speed [Did you know that folks with learning disabilities like me think in pictures and therefore can think up to 4 times faster than word thinkers. Thanks Lord!]

Dad told me once upon a time that when you weren't quiet sure of an answer sometimes just responding with confidence would be enough. So taking a deep breath I suggested that we load up and head West through Leogane and on to TiGonave. While I had not personally been to the TiGonave in over 33 years it seemed the thing to do.

• My day trip to Leogane showed me first hand the medical needs and destruction.
• Port-au-Prince being the entry point of many of the aid groups and volunteers would likely get organized before the smaller towns.
• I knew that work teams did stay occasionally at TiGoave campus and hoped we could find a safe location to spend the night.
• I knew that many Wesleyan churches would be needing help.
• I knew that if need be a boat could travel between TiGoave and LaGonave.

I will admit that I didn't sleep well Monday night. Yes, we found a place to stay-with beds, mattresses, food and American style bathroom. Yes, we talked out what we thought was a workable set up for an outside clinic and inside pharmacy/ operating room. Yes, we were welcomed warmly by Mme. BonneAnne and other staff. Yes they said we would have people to treat but would we???

The mantle of responsibility of choosing the location rested uneasily and heavy on my shoulders. I knew a bit about the costs involved in a rapid emergency response to a horrific international crisis like the one we were living. Not only the personal costs of those who had left family and professional responsibilities in the USA to volunteer to come to Haiti but what about the cost of Haitian lives because of delayed care if MY decision to set up here-was wrong.

No team member joins a work team and travels hundreds of miles to feel unneeded. I stressed that would be the case on Tuesday. Should we head back to Leogane? What if all the serious cases had already died or found a way to hospitals? While my head knew this could not possibly be true my tired heart worried it would be so. Finally during my prayers sleep claimed me.